relationship

Begin at the end

A coach that I worked with a few years ago encouraged me to make a list of 25 things I had accomplished in the past year.  It was interesting that the first things that came to my mind were things I hadn’t finished or even started.  But as I got quiet and really thought about the year, many things I had accomplished began to surface.

I had finished a coaching program, designed my website, started my newsletter and gone on an amazing spiritual retreat with my husband.  Once I began to look at what I had accomplished, it was easy to see more.  I also had things on my list like, cultivating my friendships, taking sailing classes and chartering a sailboat in the Caribbean.  I realized that our accomplishments in life are about more than our to-do list.  Our accomplishments also include taking the time to love people and have fun.  Sometimes our most important accomplishments are those that were not on our goal list at the first of the year.  Life is much more organic and to experience it fully, we must we open to Divine Guidance.

Now, at the end of each year, I take the time to do this exercise.  Then I take the time to meditate on my vision for the coming year.  I try to imagine and feel those things I know I want to accomplish.  Then I let myself be open to that Divine Guidance, to see what might come to me that I hadn’t already been planning.  And finally as I begin to live the year, I let the Divine or whatever we want to call the creative energy that so magically orchestrates this universe, guide me so that ultimately, I am led by something greater than my own individual vision.  When we co-create with the Divine, our lives open up in ways that we might not have ever dreamed of on our own.

With all your final to-do lists for the holiday, find some time before the new year to make your list of the 25 things you accomplished in 2012.  Acknowledge yourself for things big and small; sometimes our greatest accomplishments are all the small things that add up.   Then it will be time to start thinking about what the new year brings.

For me, I see myself continuing to evolve my live and online LOA and coaching programs.  And to evolve in my new (ad)venture with my husband of helping people through combining neurofeedback and LOA coaching.  For my art this year, my goal also is to paint a lot and from a deep and joyful place.

Happy Holidays everyone and I hope this year brings you all the love and joy your hearts can hold!

Love and blessings~

Pamela

 

 

Finding the Gold

I never told a victim story about my imprisonment. Instead, I told a transformation story – about how prison changed my outlook, about how I saw that communication, truth, and trust are at the heart of power. ” ~Fernando Flores

“I have always believed, and I still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value.” ~Hermann Hesse

Are you ready to be empowered to heal your deepest wounds and change your beliefs?  Are you ready to re-envision your past so that your wound becomes your gift?

When I was 16, I read a wonderful book in which the author proposed that any hardship, obstacle, or difficult situation holds for us “the seed of the equivalent benefit” if we will just open our eyes and our hearts to it.  This had a huge impact on me–even though I don’t recall the title of the book or its author, I never forgot that concept.
I heard it again years later when one of my spiritual teachers called the seed of the equivalent benefit, “the gold” that we could find if we would only stop being a victim and let our past empower us.

Many people spend months and even years discussing their problems and gaining insight into them but not learning how to transcend them.  Some do this with their friends and hairdresser and some pay good money for “talk therapy.”

If you’re  believing things like, “I have trust issues because my father left when I was two,” or “I am a control freak because my mother was an alcoholic and I had to take care of everything myself when I was a child,”   You may be stuck in “insight mode,” and continuing dialogue about these events can even feed them with the energy to continue informing (creating) your present reality.

Isn’t it time now to leave behind your need to identify and analyze and instead make choices that enable you to heal and transform to the next best version of yourself?  That version is you without your so called “issues” and instead empowered with the gold it holds for you.
People have to be willing to let go of whatever payoff they’ve been “getting” in return for their stance as victim or their identification with their issues.

I had a client who had the problem of attracting men who were unable to commit.  This is actually a common issue with many women and it has various origins.  This client  thought the issue was theirs as she perceived herself as completely ready for love and commitment.  But through our work, she discovered that it was her own inability to commit that kept attracting men with the same issue.  She had a terrifying fear of being left (as had happened in her first marriage).  The payoff was simple: her marriage couldn’t fall apart again if there was no marriage. Rather than continuing hating ex husband, we worked on finding the gold.   She had been able to do some important things professionally during that marriage because of the confidence she had gained during the early years with him.  (Everyone has their good points and he did also).

The lesson was for her to always listen to inner guidance.  Her intuition had told her to get out of the relationship early on, but she had forged ahead.

I pointed out to her one day that this first husband was the epitome of “unable to commit,” so that she had attracted a man unable to commit even before her divorce.  So this pattern had begun long ago.  The truth was she was choosing her father over and over again.  She and her father had a close bond until she was about 10 years old, and then he had begun working and traveling a lot and was not really there much after that.  This major abandonment had meant choosing men that ultimately would not be there for her.  Once she healed that deep wound, she was able to see the gold in that abandonment.:  it had given her an amazingly independent and capable spirit.  Of course I am simplifying things here so you can see the thread of how we untangled her past, her beliefs and what she was creating in her life.  I am happy to report that this women was able to attract her perfect partner only six months after our work together.  She literally married two years later and is still very happy.

To attract love and have the healthy, loving relationships we want, we have to realize there is no one and nothing to forgive–and that includes ourselves.  Our parents, our past partners, every experience we have ever had is a sacred mirror to show us parts of ourselves we need to see and help us on our path to become who we need to be.  

Your issues are yours only if you choose to cling to them rather than heal and move forward, and the only thing it costs you to go to the next level is the lesser version of yourself and all that brings into your life.  Are you ready to let go of the lesser versions of yourself now and grab hold of the gold that will empower you?

For the next two weeks, I invite you to look at any way in which you are allowing your “issues” to define you.  What payoffs have you been receiving that are really crippling you from having what you truly desire?

No matter how painful the experiences or how severe, there is always gold there.  Ask yourself now what the gift is for you, the lesson, the gold from any past painful experience you’ve been holding on to?  It may not be immediately obvious.  It often takes some digging to mine the gold.  Meditate on this question and softly ask.   Open yourself to that divine intuition that we discussed last week.

With perspective, you can then reframe your beliefs seeing your experiences as the gifts that they are. The gifts are there to teach you something, to make you who you are, to bring you further along on your path.

I would love to work with you in mining the gold and transforming into a more powerful version of yourself.  Call me at 407-733-6282 to schedule your session.

Love and blessings to you all!

Pamela

Law of Attraction techniques do not include holding on to old dramas, analyzing and theorizing about them, giving them energy and thus power over you.  In my work, we concentrate on inner shifts of consciousness and choosing the most empowering beliefs, since it is after all our beliefs that are informing our reality every moment.  Clinging to our so called “issues” will never heal us or bring us to a place of love.   Only finding the gold allows you to transcend your issues and become that next best version of you!

A Meditation to Access Divine Guidance

Sit in a comfortable seated position… You may want to use a pillow underneath you to help keep your spine straight. i.e., Easy Pose (crossed legged position) or in a chair with a straight spine with a light neck lock (Jalandhar Bandh).  The neck lock just means not leaning your head back, but having your chin slightly tucked in.

The eyes are closed, looking upwards into the third eye point. Center yourself with three deep inhalations and exhalations (or by chanting Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo if you are a Kundalini lover like me and know this powerful tuning in chant).  Have your hands upon your knees in gyan mudra, meaning fingertips and thumbs touching.

Begin to breathe from the deepest place in your diaphragm.  Inhale and bring the breath and energy all the way up through the body to your crown chakra, the top of the head, then exhale and imagine the breath and energy out through the heart.  Continue to breathe and with each exhale, imagine the heart opening a little more.  Set the intention that this meditation will bring you the Divine guidance you are seeking.

Once you feel completely relaxed begin to chant this mantra:

“GURU GURU WAHE GURU”  (the “R” sound in GURU is more like a “D.”  And “Wahe” is pronounced Wa-hay.

This is the mantra of ecstasy…  It is not translatable, but elevates the spirit and connects you to the Divine.

Do the meditation for 3 minute to 31 minutes.

To end, inhale, hold for 5-10 seconds, then exhale and relax.

This mantra brings a meditative peace, mental and physical relaxation and protection to the self. It also channels healing energy and connects you to your Higher Self and Divine guidance, gives you assistance and protection.

Miracles can happen.

Fall: A Time for Change

It’s newly fall and it’s also a new moon… Time for some changes.. yeah!

You may want to attract your soul mate; or be wishing the partner you were with would turn into your soul mate; or maybe you’ve given up all hope of attracting your soul mate… All these mean time for a change.  But even if you are already in a relationship that’s fulfilling to you, there is still something that you’d like a little more of or less of in your relationship.  In any case, the time for change is now… and of course to effect change, we just look in the mirror and start there.

Most people go through life allowing things to just happen to them.  Changes occur but they don’t feel in charge of the changes. Today I’m inviting you to participate in conscious change, a change that you choose based on your desires and your willingness to have what your heart desires in love and relationship.

You have heard the saying, “what you focus on expands.”  That is helpful here because you are going to stop focusing on what you don’t have and start focusing on what your heart desires.   You are going to imagine you’re already with the love of your life; you are in the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.  And you’re going to shift your attention, your focus, from this moment forward, to allowing only the feelings associated with having all of this versus feeling the lack.  

So right now, close your eyes and feel what it’s like to be in a relationship that fulfills you completely: emotionally, physically, spiritually and intellectually.  Let your imagination run wild as you allow yourself to be specific in what that would be like.  Use all of your senses.  Stay focused on these feelings, stay married to the vision of your soul mate, your perfect partner so that your subconscious will shift into believing it to be real.  Then the universe has no choice but to fulfill your desire.  No one can predict how this will happen: perhaps your partner will suddenly begin to show up differently; perhaps you will see him differently;  or maybe you’ll meet someone new… The ways and means are never for us to decide.

Just rest in this vibrational alignment, enjoying inner fulfillment, and do it for the pleasure it brings rather than focusing on physical manifestation.  If you focus on “when is it going manifest,” that’s really the same as focusing on lack.  Just let your inner reality be enough.  The manifestation will happen.  It’s a law, just like the law of gravity. So just focus on working on yourself, making yourself the best you can be.  Do things that you would do for and with your partner.  Take your partner on a date; go to sleep with your partner each night in your consciousness.  Think—and feel—in terms of the partnership already existing.  Feel yourself deeply in love, sharing life with your partner.

Enjoy the alignment!

And remember to empower love in your life at every opportunity!

When Non-Negotiables are Negotiable

When you have your list of non-negotiables, you want to stick to it, right?  Well, yes but… There may be times when re-framing how you think about a non-negotiable is the right thing to do before discounting a potential partner. Here is an example:

My client Cheryl met Michael while working on her laptop at Starbucks.   The two of them clicked right away and sat immersed in conversation for two hours.  During this time, Cheryl learned that Michael attends Catholic church on Sundays.  On her list of non-negotiables, Cheryl has written:  “Spiritual, not religious.”  She has a lot of negative memories around the Baptist church from her childhood, the preaching about burning in hell that left her lying awake scared as a child.  Cheryl just doesn’t like organized religion.   But she could not stop thinking Michael and write him off as a “no.”  The energy between them flowed beautifully.  There was a heart connection, a feeling of coming home, a sense of knowing him more deeply than seemed possible from the two hours they’d spent together.

As I talked with Cheryl, I have her close her eyes and think about her soul mate, her perfect partner.  I ask her if she can imagine Michael in that picture.  She finds it very easy to imagine herself with him.  She feels elated when imagining him in the picture and has no sense of having compromised.  As we talked, it became obvious that her intuition was strongly telling her that this man, Michael, may indeed be her soul mate.  I helped her analyze her non-negotiable:  spiritual not religious, and she found that what was really important to her was that her partner be open to other views.  So looking at a non-negotiable and seeing why it’s important to us can shed light on what we really value.   Since Cheryl realized what she really valued, she was able to make another date with Michael without feeling like she was compromising on what she wanted since she had already determined that he wasn’t dogmatic.
What she discovered as she to know him was that Michael’s beliefs were very similar to her own.  He had been raised in the Catholic church and found solace there, but he was not dogmatic at all, and in fact was very into Eastern philosophy and yogic teachings.  He was actually more spiritual than religious, himself.  He just enjoyed going to the Catholic service because he had fond memories of it as a child and so it was a place that made him feel connected.

As it happened, Cheryl and Michael were soul mates and married a year later.  By listening to her intuition and looking more deeply at what she valued, rather than using her list in a literal, open and closed way, Cheryl was able to receive the gift of her soul mate in her life.  Her value of non-dogmatic and open needed to apply to her as well as the other person.
This is tricky territory and requires absolute honesty with oneself.   You must be able to distinguish this kind of connection;  it’s not just attraction but something deeper.  It can be easy to make the mistake of lying to yourself saying, “This one thing doesn’t matter because he does have everything else on my list.”   If you made your list in thoughtful, meditative way listening to your heart, then it’s important.  The key is understanding the underlying value of your non-negotiable and staying true to that, while also listening to your intuition and letting that inform you.

Next week we will talk about how to deal doubt and change in our lives.

Until then, don’t forget to Empower Love in your life at every opportunity!

Knowing What You Want: Your Non-Negotiables

We often forget that to consciously create what we want in love takes energy and dedication, just like creating the career you want or anything else.  You have to know what you want, be completely clear on your non-negotiables, and be willing to settle for nothing less.  One of my teachers used to say, “We get what we settle for.”  And this is so true.  And not only do we “get what we settle for”  we also get what we are willing to have.  Are you willing to have everything you desire in a partner?

If you meet someone who has so many of the qualities that you want, you might be tempted to throw out that one important quality you really had wanted in your partner.  Maybe you want to have children and be settled in one place and the man you meet is not interested in children.  He loves freedom and likes to travel and to be able to take off at a moment’s notice.  Often women think that with time, the man will change.  They often think their love can change him.  This is one of the biggest mistakes women and men make in choosing a partner: thinking they can change their partner.

Make your non-negotiable list by listening to your heart.  You can use meditation and thoughtful consideration.  Ask yourself:  “What do I want in a partner and what am I willing to have?” Then don’t settle for less.  If you have a clear vision of what you want and intend it through a heart-centered meditation, you will be on your way to magnetizing your partner to you.  However, the universe will often test you which can happen in the form of the tempting “Mr Almost Perfect” who shows up, just to see if you really are committed to having what you say you want.

But if you will stay committed to your ideal and see almost as “no” rather than trying to talk yourself into believing someone is right for you, you will attract your true soul mate.  You want and deserve your perfect partner, not your almost perfect partner.  Of course I’m not talking here about a perfect person, but about a partner who is perfect for you, who will love you as you’ve always wanted to be loved and who you love as you’ve never loved.  A perfect union of two imperfect souls!

Next week I will talk about the rare occasion when the non-negotiable is negotiable…  Look forward to “seeing” you all!

In love & light,

Pamela

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