manifesting love

Important Relationship Tips

There are two parts to this newsletter:  Part One contains tips for people who already have a relationship but are looking for ways to improve it and Part Two is for those who are not in a relationship but want to attract their perfect partner.

If your relationship is one you treasure and are happy you’re in, congratulations!  If you are like me, you are always open to new ideas and ways that you can make your already good relationship great or great relationship even more wonderful.  So here are three simple tips, and I guarantee you that you will improve the quality of your relationship if you do them–or even start with one of them.

1)   Ask yourself very regularly what you could do to improve the quality of your relationship.  Rather than focusing on what you want, what you need, what you aren’t getting enough of, focus on the other person and ask, What can I do to be a better partner, lover, wife, husband, etc.

2)  Every night take a few minutes to imagine anything that represents to you having a wonderful relationship or an even more wonderful relationship if you already have a great one (everything can always be better, right!?).  Just let your imagination go and get into the feelings of having an amazing relationship.  Go to sleep with these thoughts and feelings.

3)  If there are problems–or a problem area–in your relationship–be sure you do tips 1 and 2 also, but also take time each morning to lie in bed just after you wake up and imagine a relationship in which those specifics that you are not happy with do not exist.  Project yourself into the future with your partner and imagine that these things are no longer part of the dynamic.  Let your imagination go and get into the feelings of those negatives no longer being there.  How does it feel?  Relish in it.  Get lost in the feelings of happiness at being in a relationship that has more of what you want and no longer has the hurtful or frustrating parts.


In a culture where we’ve been spoon fed instant gratification, it’s easy to want to find a partner quickly, too.  People search the Internet, attend networking groups, and even go to the supermarket in search for Mr./Ms Right.  What most people don’t realize is that there is a way to have that instant gratification of the perfect partner right now, without ever logging on to the Internet or searching anywhere–except inside their own heart.

Here are three tips to help you in manifesting your perfect partner.

1)  Be willing to accept the primary principle of the Law of Attraction, which is very simply that you can have anything you want as long as you have to already have it. It’s a paradox like everything that seems to be profoundly true about our universe.  But there is a way to already have it:  you have to have it in consciousness.   So here’s what you can do:  Imagine that you have the perfect partner and what that would feel like.  Really get lost in how that would feel and what that would look like.  Then, keep your focus and concern on your own inner world, imagining that you do already have it.  
Live from this place.  (BTW: I teach many techniques about HOW to do this in my courses.)

2)  Stop Looking!  I recently read a quotation somewhere that said, “I never met anyone who found their perfect partner when they were looking.”  What this really implies is that you have to release your grip on your desire.  Concern yourself with YOU.  Work on yourself and making yourself the very best you can be.  Completely release the “looking” part; leave that up to the Universe.  Know that the Field/Universe/God will bring you your perfect partner in perfect time, while at the same time, feeling it is already done (that was Tip #1, right!?).

3)  Fall in love with yourself and your life; have a love affair with yourself.  Do the things that bring you joy.  When you are in a state of love and joy, that’s what you attract.

Good luck with these.  Let me know your thoughts by posting a comment.  Or if you have other things that have worked for you, I would love to hear them.  Share them below in the comments.  And if you have any questions, post those, too.  I am happy to answer them–or try to anyways!

Have a wonderful amazing week.

Love and blessings,

Dealing with the Fear Monster

In my last post, I wrote about How to Live an Extraordinary Life.  This could serve as part two because not dealing with our fears will definitely prevent us from living an extraordinary life.   If we don’t deal with our fears and learn how to release them, we cannot attract what we desire or be the best version of ourselves.  Fear not only causes us to be stuck but causes all sorts of havoc in our lives, just as it does on the planet when people are acting out of fear rather than love.

After years of working with some very successful people, it seems clear that everyone–and I mean everyone (okay, except maybe the Dalai Lama)—has fears.  I have seen two main strands over and over:  One, a fear of not being worthy of love, or success, or (fill in the blank), and two, of not being capable of having love, money (again, fill in the blank).  I have worked with highly successful people who felt they were somehow frauds in their careers-even though they had worked long and hard and achieved recognition from their peers for their accomplishments.  I have worked with people who had so much to offer in a relationship, and yet they had a nagging fear that they would never attract their soul mate.  At a deep level, they felt unworthy of love.

I struggle with fears myself, and have days when the negative voice in my head is saying, “Who are you to be doing this work?”  “You don’t have a perfect relationship, so how can you advise others?”  Questions of “are we good enough” can plague us and stop us in our tracks.  Fear can literally keeping us from having the relationship, the career, the income, the lifestyle, whatever it is we desire.

Unacknowledged fears are the most debilitating because if we don’t know we have them, we can’t do anything about them. These are the fears that cause us to go on and on not accomplishing what we want and never having a clue as to why.  At least if we know we have a fear, we have a place to start.  It’s a given though that if you are not doing something or accomplishing something that deep in your heart you want to do, there is fear there.  That means you need to slow down and pay attention to your breath, and just begin a dialogue with yourself. Ask yourself why you aren’t taking that creative writing class or committing to taking your writing seriously when you have wanted to be a writer your whole life… or whatever it is, ASK and you will become aware of the fear.  And that’s the first step.

whether they be related to relationship, career, income, living your passion, or just signing up for that voice lesson you’ve always wanted to take.

#1:  GO INTO THE MOUTH OF THE DRAGON: Accept your fears rather than denying them or trying to distract yourself from hearing the critical voices or feeling the fear–distracting ourselves is how addictions begin.  There’s a saying,“That which we resist, persists”  or how Yogi Bhajan put it: “We have to go into the mouth of the dragon.”

#2:  REMEMBER WHO’S BOSS:  That critical voice inside your head that questions your worthiness and/or capabilities is just one part of yourself, and not the authority.  It is the untamed mind, and it will go all sorts of crazy-making places.  Choose to give authority to the non-local* part of you that recognizes your greatness, your gifts, your beauty, your intelligence, your creativity, etc.  (*Non-local is in the part of you connected to the infinite.)

#3:  DO IT ANYWAY:  If it’s fear about doing something JUST DO IT, in spite of your fear. Once you do it–whatever it is–the fear will lessen and eventually dissipate. I recently heard yet another brilliant and successful actor say she was terrified of a particular role so she knew she had to do it.

#4:  LET THEM VISIT BUT NOT MOVE IN AND RUN THE HOUSEHOLD:  Let your fears have their voice, and then thank them for the visit and let them know it is time to leave now.  Then move your attention to the “other” voices and feelings you have.  Let the non-local you have a platform too:  “I am beautiful and talented woman who deserves…”  We have fear when we are not aware of who we really are, when we are not knowing and owning our connection to Spirit.

#5:  HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH THEM:  Write down your fears when they arise and meditate on the why of it.  I recently was feeling some fears about my dedication to my coaching business.  When I explored the why, I realized that I was afraid of getting so busy coaching and teaching that I wouldn’t have time to paint–which is one of my passions.  Solution:  I reworked my calendar and dedicated specific time each week to painting.

#6:  CHOOSE TO LIVE CONNECTED: When the fear voices or feelings come, just accept them as part and parcel of the limited mind and then move into a higher state of awareness, connected to spirit.  The YOU who can become the observer to the limited mind has an unlimited awareness. So forget trying to “overcome” your fears or even to “transcend” them.  Completely accept them as what happens in the limited mind, that mind that the great Osho says is a coward.  Then shift into your higher self, where you are connected to spirit and feel your limitlessness, your expansion beyond the limited mind.

# 7:  GO INTO THE BODY:  Often our fears cause a knot in our stomach or a tenseness there or somewhere else in your body.  Sometimes, you may not be aware that there is a body sense to your fear. But there always is.  The body doesn’t lie, as they say.  It’s a good idea to  slow down and pay close attention to what’s happening in your body when your fears arise.   Where do you feel the tension?  Settle yourself into a resting or meditation posture, and just begin to breathe, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your nose.  Pay attention to the sensations in the body and also focus on the breath.  Continue for 5 minutes.

I have a specific technique which I adapted from chakra-healing work that my husband, John Tatum, MD, developed.  Practice just what I’ve shared here and you’ll be ready for the rest next week.

Until then, Empower LOVE in your life,


Next week I will post for you a proven technique to use when a specific fear arises, or if you’re not accomplishing what you want and want to uncover the underlying fear.



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