loving yourself

Loving Yourself–Imperfections and All

“If we really love ourselves, everything in our life works.”

“Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.
– Louise L. Hay.

What does loving ourselves have to do with the Law of Attraction?  Everything, really, if we want love, success and happiness in our lives, it all starts with loving who we are.   This has been said so many times it has almost lost meaning for us.  But it is true that we must be able to find love within and for ourselves if we are to find love with another, have great relationships with our friends and family, and even to find ourselves in careers we love.  Everything really starts with loving who we are.

We have been so bombarded with media images of what’s sexy and attractive and what success means, that most of us at some level long to be something other than who we are.  We have been conditioned to see our imperfections and how we don’t measure up to the rich and famous.  This can become problematic when people secretly dislike themselves as they long for the perfect figure, perfect hair, perfect career, or perfect whatever.  Longing to be someone else or have a different life keeps us stuck where we are and unhappy.  Nothing positive can happen from this place.  However,  if we release all the desires to be someone else and love and accept who we are, we give ourselves the opportunity to blossom.

Acceptance and loving who we are allows us a safe environment for changing and growing.  We can’t change or grow from a negative, self loathing place or even a longing place.  We have to accept and love and then allow ourselves to become more of who we really are.  It’s like a child who is loved and nurtured can grow and blossom beautifully, but one who is constantly criticized and scolded shuts down and internalizes that anger and frustration at not being good enough.

As we struggle to love ourselves, it helps to grasp that it is our imperfections that make us perfect.  You are perfectly YOU, like no one else ever created.

I read an article about famous photographer who has photographed many of the world’s most famous beauties, including Marilyn Monroe and Sophia Loren.  He said that the most beautiful discovery he made when he photographed these beauties was realizing their imperfections.  That is what he would try to capture on film, their imperfections and vulnerability.  He did not try to give the illusion of perfection.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all learn to see our imperfections as our most beautiful parts!  What a concept.

My spiritual teacher Yogi Bhajan used to say, “The difference between you and me is that I love my faults.”  He said that we should not run from those parts of ourselves but learn to appreciate them.  It is only through acceptance and genuine appreciation that we can ever let go of something in ourselves that we wish to change.  As the adage states: “That which we resist persists.”  It is through appreciating all parts of ourselves that we can have total self love and thus really be open to loving another.  As another teacher of mine said once when I was studying acting, “The critic can never be creative.”  It’s good to remember that when we are busy criticizing ourselves, we are also stifling our creative energy, whether it’s energy for a project or for our lover or partner.

For the next week, try to find the beauty in your imperfections.  Try to find the parts of you that are flawed and see how they make you uniquely and perfectly you, vulnerable and beautiful.  See how loving these parts of yourself allow you to be a better lover and more accepting of your partner, your friends, everyone.  You may also notice how you become more attractive to others as you love and accept yourself.

I would love to hear from you about your struggle or your successes in this endeavor to love yourself, warts and all.   Leave a comment.

Have a wonderful week!

Love and blessings~


Love Yourself Better

Hey everyone,

I hope all you mothers out there had a wonderful Mother’s Day and felt LOVED and SPECIAL as you are!

I want to talk to you today about being in love.  Being in love is really what life is all about, isn’t it? And I don’t mean just being in love with a man or woman.   I mean, if we were all in love with our lives, including our partners, our careers, and ourselves, we would have little to complain about and we’d have unlimited enthusiasm for everything we want to accomplish.
And the most important love affair we can have is with ourselves.  If we truly love ourselves,  we don’t beat ourselves up for not being perfect, we accept the dark parts of ourselves as well as the light.  We accept our broken hearts and broken promises, our resignation and our fears.  We accept ourselves right where we are now in our growth and development, recognizing that we are exactly where we should be—even if there is more work to do.

Self love means not settling for less than what truly makes you happy.  Sure we all have to do our taxes and clean the bathroom, but if we spend hours a day at a job we hate or spend year after year in a relationship that is not really fulfilling, then we are putting out our own light one day at a time.

What if today you make a commitment to yourself to choose just one way you can love yourself better.  Maybe you want to take a course, exercise more, or talk nicer to yourself and others.

If you commit to this one small change and follow through for three months, it will become a habit for you.  You won’t want to stop.  Be specific on how you will implement the change.  For example, I’m going to take an art class.  I am going to walk three times a week.  Loving yourself better might even be about starting to look for a job that feeds your soul or starting your own business.  So for the next three months, you might commit to sending out three resumes a week or building your website. Being specific helps you to know that you are following through on your commitment.  It gives you “measurable goals.”  But the real yardstick here is how you feel.  If you feel more loved and appreciated and valued by yourself, then you’ve succeeded; and guess what, you will then attract more love and appreciation from others.

Loving our Self is the first step to creating a life that we are in love with.  And  really, there is no better feeling than waking up every day in love with who you are, in love with your partner, and in love with your life.

Love and blessings,


Valentine’s Day For Singles: 11 Ways to ROCK Your World

So I wrote the Valentine’s Day ideas earlier today for people with a partner, lover, special someone… How insensitive of me to leave out all you single gals and guys out there.  Someone wrote to me this morning and said:  So what do us single ladies do for Valentine’s Day besides crawl in bed and pull the covers over our head and realize that no one loves you again…for the fifth valentine with NO love…”
So absolutely you don’t want to do that, because remember, what you focus on expands.  It’s a better idea to focus on loving yourself, your friends and your family and even strangers.  FOCUS ON LOVE since that’s ultimately what you want to attract.

1) GET INVOLVED LOVING OTHERS:  Giving love to others will take your mind off of yourself, fill your heart with love, and make you ever so grateful for what you have.  I recently went to a benefit for the homeless and discovered that there are so many more homeless right here in my town of New Smyrna Beach than I ever imagined.  

There are programs in almost every city for tutoring and mentoring homeless grade school, middle and high school students.  From experience, I can tell you that there is nothing more fulfilling.  How much you can help just by showing a person you care will astound you.

Another idea is to check out your local shelter and see what items they need, or just buy some items that all shelters need, like blankets, thick socks, flash lights, batteries, garbage bags, underwear, deodorant, band-aids, reading glasses.  Then drop them off in a large red bag on Valentine’s Day.

2) PLAN A SURPRISE DATE: This was as on my other list and it’s something you can absolutely do as a single person.  Plan a surprise date for a friend who is single OR plan a date for yourself to somewhere you’ve always wanted to go but haven’t.  Try to make the date, with your friend or yourself, unique and fun.

3) GO ON A DATE WITH YOUR SOUL MATE:  Here’s a favorite of mine and I did it quite often when I was single.  Plan a special date with your beloved.  Imagine that your soul mate is with you and treat the entire thing as your special date.  Go on this date and feel the presence of your soul mate with you.

4) HAND MADE CARDS:  Make some homemade Valentine’s for your nieces and nephews or grandchildren.  Buy some lacy paper, some gold hearts, ribbon or lace.   Use gel pens, paints or colored pencils.  Use your imagination and have fun!

5) SEND FLOWERS:  Is there someone you know who lost a partner last year, or a beloved parent or child?  Send them a bouquet on Valentine’s Day with a loving message.

5) INSPIRED POETRY: Compose a poem on beautiful paper for the lover you desire.  Imagine you already have this person in your life and you’re celebrating your 3rd or 4th Valentine’s Day together.  Imagine what you would feel and want to write to him/her.  Get into this as if it’s already current in your life.

6) THE GIFT OF TOUCH: Give yourself the gift of touch by scheduling an hour or hour-and-a-half massage at your local spa. Indulge and know that you are worth it.

7) BUBBLE BATHS are FUN FOR SINGLES TOO: Take a long, sensuous bubble bath being sure to set the ambience: light a candle or two (or twenty ) and have some romantic music playing; put some lavender, jasmine or any favorite essential oil in the bath.  Take time while in the bath to imagine life with your soul mate.  Imagine you already have everything your heart desires… What does that feel like?  Stay with those feelings and relish in them.

8) WRITE LOVE LETTER TO YOUR SOUL MATE:  Write a love letter to your soul mate on a beautiful piece of stationery. You might spray your perfume on the paper. Women, not only sign it with your name, but with a kiss wearing your favorite lipstick.  Keep this in a safe place and know that in the perfect Divine timing of the Field, your soul mate will appear in your life and you can give him/her this letter.

9) MAKE A LOVE LIST: Using beautiful paper, list all of the things that you love about your soul mate, the man/woman of your hearts desire.  List all the qualities that you appreciate, even the little things. Know that this person is coming to you and feel in your heart that you are merely preparing for his/her arrival.

10) ARTSY FUN:  Get out your paints and paint brushes, put on some romantic music and paint a love painting.  Let yourself just feel love for your soul mate and imagine how it feels to be loved exactly the way you want.  Then choose colors that you feel match what you’re feeling.  Forget about judgment, worries, and right or wrong.  Just let go and paint.
So if you’re single, remember that Valentine’s Day can be about loving and nurturing yourself, giving to others, and also about the powerful process of intending*.  All of these will help empower you to create the love and life that your heart desires.  Every time we give to others, we also give to ourselves.

Here’s to your best Valentine’s Day ever!

Love and blessings,

* to learn more about the INTENDING process to manifest love, check out either one of my eBooks in my bookstore.

Body-Centered Meditation for Dealing with the Fear Monster

Last week, I offered seven tips for dealing with the fear monster.   #7 was GO INTO THE BODY.  I talked about how our fears often cause a knot in our stomach or a tenseness there or somewhere else in your body.  Even if you are not aware of it, there are always particular body sensations to your fear. The body doesn’t lie, as they say.

As I promised last week, I have a specific technique which I adapted from the chakra-healing work that my amazingly gifted husband, John Tatum, MD, a holistic psychiatrist and psychotherapist developed.  I hope you took some time to practice just what I shared in tip #7 last week.  If not you can start there and then move on to the meditation.



1)  Sit in meditation pose or lie down on your back.

2) Take a moment to set your intention for your meditation: intend that you will release the particular fear you are working on during this meditation.  Don’t worry yourself with the how or why.  Just see it as done.

3) Put one hand on your heart chakra–the center of your breast–and the other hand just underneath on your upper abdomen.

4) Begin to breathe, breathing in through the nose and out through the nose.  Consciously, begin to slow down your breathing.  As you inhale, imagine the breath coming in through the hand on your upper abdomen and as you exhale imagine the breath going out through the heart chakra.

5)  As you breathe, feel any tension in the body, breathing into that tension and bringing heart energy to it.  Just be  with your breath and with whatever sensations arise in the body.  Pay attention to any thoughts or feelings that arise, but then re-focus your attention on the breath and the body sensations.

6) As you do this, thoughts and feelings will arise.   You may get tearful or even have a good cry.  That’s great:  you get extra credit for crying!   Just see where this exercise takes you.  By allowing yourself to be quiet, focus on your breath and your body, you can get to the truth of your fears and then release them.

Try doing this meditation for 5-15 minutes each time you feel fearful about something.  You may get insight the first time you do this and resolve a fear after five minutes.  Other times you may need to work with the same fear a few times for resolution to come.

AFTER THE MEDITATION:  You should then go right into the Intending Meditation:
Follow your body-centered meditation with an intending meditation.  Imagine exactly what you want in the area of your life you’re experiencing fear. For example if you have identified a specific underlying fear such as, “I am not dating because I am afraid of getting hurt again,” you might imagine the wonderful good that can come from dating.  Imagine (intend) what you would like to have happen.  Use the intending meditation to imagine all that you want.  And most importantly, allow yourself to get into the body sense of the fulfillment of your truest desires.

Write: You may also do some writing about what you discovered during the body-centered meditation.  Maybe you had clarity on how you might resolve an issue that came up. Writing about your fears can also give you another perspective on them, and the answer can become obvious to us.  We can literally let go of the fear by the time we finish.

So the next time the fear voices or feelings come, try thinking of them as an invitation to use the Body-Centered Meditation to help you move into your body to see what the body’s wisdom has to say.  With the conscious attention of your unlimited mind and getting into your body’s wisdom, your fears can actually assist you in moving to the next level of who you really are.

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And thank you to all who wrote to me or posted last week about the Fear Monster.  I appreciate your comments.

Love and blessings,


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