how to have a better relationship

The Healing Power of Love

“Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything and love is all there is.”  Gary Zukov

Today I want to talk to you about the healing power of love.  I know that many of you already know first hand how healing love can be, but did you know that there is scientific research to prove it?

Well there is.  A growing amount of scientific research supports that love and intimacy are amazingly healing and, in fact, are more important in healing than any other factor.   World-renowned physician, researcher and author, Dean Ornish, M.D.,has been a leading contributor to this body of research.  In this his book, Love and Survival:  The Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy, he writes, “I am not aware of any other factor in medicine that has a greater impact on our survival than the healing power of love and intimacy. Not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery.”

It’s not just romantic love relationships that can be healing:  all relationships have the potential power to heal, but there is something unique about love relationships in that they can blast our hearts wide open and therefore have the power to transform us emotionally and spiritually.  

We’re all familiar with the highs of new romance:  our neurotransmitters are dancing and we are high on love.  We become more open and vulnerable at this time and can have experiences which allow us to open more to who we really are.  We are glimpsing the divine in each other, and that has the powerful effect of allowing us to feel the divine in ourselves.

What happens, however, is that as the new wears off and the neurotransmitters in our brain calm down, we begin to find fault with our partner.  The partner we once projected all our light upon we now begin to project our darkness.  Buttons get pushed, old unresolved issues are activated, and hearts begin to close little by little, one disappointed moment after another.  This living unconsciously and projecting our stuff onto our partner is how potentially great relationships are destroyed or made mediocre or barely endurable every day.   It is possible, however, for couples to grow in their love and commitment after the attraction phase ends and they move into the attachment phase. YES IT IS POSSIBLE!!!

After the attraction phase, when we move into the attachment phase of a relationship, different hormones are produced in the brain.  And for those who don’t get scared and run away or allow themselves to let the fighting take over and ruin their love, this is when the deeper healing can begin.  When you feel you’re in a relationship that’s healthy and that will endure, you feel safe to be more vulnerable.  The layers upon layers of those old wounds begin to peel away allowing you to open up to deeper and deeper parts of yourself.  Both partners can experience profound healing when this kind of intimacy is achieved.    

If  we do our own inner work and learn to live in our hearts, then when the new wears off,  we can actually experience a deepening of our love as the projections fade and are replaced by a clearer sense of who we are and who our partner is.   A truer, deeper intimacy develops when we stay committed to nurturing our relationship and allowing it to grow and become richer.

The two most important thing we can do to experience the true healing power of intimacy is to learn to live in the hearts and learn to resolve conflicts peacefully and respectfully–which I have written much about in the past month.  This is truly what it takes.

By living in your heart you will avoid getting into the old reactive battles common to many couples, and instead, you will be able to handle conflicts from a place of love.  You will be able to help each other heal rather than wounding each other more deeply.  And this healing leads to each partner blossoming into more of who they really are.

Love and blessings,

P.S.   I hope you are getting excited about my  90 Days to Transformation program. It’s coming VERY SOON!  April 25th to be exact. This is a program designed to help you have those shifts that need and want to make, the ones that are going to put you on a trajectory to happiness and fulfillment.   Stay tuned for more details.

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